My Worst Fear

I guess everyone has their worst fear...

Spiders, ghosts, seagulls, but mine is a different kind of fear. I'm terrified of being boring. Or more to the point I guess, other people finding me boring.

I'm ashamed of my Secondary school identity

I will try not to rant too much about my old school (I promised myself I wouldn't) as that would cause trouble. But I do think that at the time I was a bit of an outcast. I was painfully shy. Anyone who knows me as I am now will laugh loudly at this because they think I don't shut up!

At school I was:

• Quiet
• kept to myself
• I had long brown hair, my natural color. I would do nothing different with it except for getting it cut occasionally.
• Often felt harshly judged by my peers
• Worked incredibly hard at my studies even though I did not do that well (only two years after leaving school, did someone notice my slowness and had me tested for Dyslexia.And yes, I am very mildly Dyslexic.
• Tried to dress normal. We had to wear a uniform and the only freedom we really had was choosing what trousers we wore. I would wear the same 'Blue Star' brand as everyone else just so that I could not be bullied for wearing different trousers. The 'Blue Star' belt would always stick into my stomach but I felt like it was important to be the same as everyone else. 
• Lonely

Four years later

I have changed quite a lot.

I am:

• Always expressing my own opinion and feel the need to be heard, I get a terrible restlessness in situations where I have to keep my feelings to myself.
• I would say that I have quite a lot of friends. And a small group of very good close friends whom I adore. 
• My hair is a different color every month or so
• I'm actually really surprised at just how nice my peers are to me. I feel respected.
•  Working moderately, I do not push myself as blindingly hard as I used to. I do my best and I finally know that it will be appreciated.
• I wear quite strange things; I love bandannas, eccentric hats, jackets that have chains on them, and I have this one jacket that has dragon eyes and dragon wings.
• I'm not lonely anymore

So how did things change?

I guess my old insecurity used to make me appear quite boring.  Unfortunately, my old school classmates used to quite often say that they didn't like me and found me boring.

Perhaps what I most worry about is;

Did I change, or did the people around me?